CHILDREN AND LIES
Children are honest beings but change over a period of time. This might be just between a few months to years. It is a known fact that most children, especially the young ones can't separate reality from their imaginations. However, most children willingly tell a lie from a very young age.
Research reveals that most children start lying between 3 to 4 years. These children do not just begin to lie just like that, they learn this behavior at home and in other social environments. Parents play a bigger role in influencing how children lie.
So, now before you get angry at that kid for lying to you, please check yourself. You may be the one encouraging them to lie. How are you encouraging children to become liars?
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You can encourage children to become serious liers through the following:
1. Punishing them when the say the truth
When I asked my class pupils to tell me if they have ever lied to their parents why they lie to their parents, they said it's because they get flogged for saying the truth. One said "Miss Godiya, my Daddy doesn't beat me when I lie to him." He said this in an amusing way. He knows the contradiction there because his Dad preaches against lies.
Kids like to keep it safe. Aside from that, they hate cane, everyone does. Anything that'll hurt them is what they do not like. So beating a child for owning up to their mistakes will encourage them to hide the truth for fear of being punished. I'm not saying you shouldn't discipline a child when they do bad.
Instead, use proactive measures in this case. You can do a serious talking and warning, explain why what they did is bad and ask them why they did it in the first place.
2. When you don't trust them
When you don't believe children when they are telling the truth, they will lie to you. Yes, children like pleasing the adults in their lives. They want you to be happy and feel good. When a child confronts you with a truth but you keep on arguing against it and insisting on something different, they will say what you want to hear.
I've had pupils in my class saying that they lie sometimes because when they tell the truth, their parents do not believe them. So they lie so that their parents will feel happy and in control. You can imagine how children think and react.
You can avoid this by understanding your child very well. You should create a strong relationship with your kids so that you will understand them. Also know that it is normal to make mistakes in front of your kids. When you do, admit it with confidence instead of arguing and shunning their truth.
3. You tell lies so much in their presence
An apple doesn't fall far from its tree and honesty begets honesty. Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Children are so clever to understand when adults are doing the wrong things in their presence. Everything you do around children, they learn from it. When you constantly lie to children, they'll learn from you and become even better.
They see and understand almost everything you do around them over time and they copy you. It's just that their understanding cannot help them differentiate whether it is harmless or not. How can you tell your kids to tell visitors that you are not around but expects them to be truthful? It'll be hard for them not to copy this.
There are so many lies that are told to kids that encourage lying. There's this one that says "if you swallow an orange seed, it will germinate on your head." Meanwhile a child swallows an orange seed gets scared and worried but discovers later that it was a lie and they learn the pattern.
4. When you expect too much from them without encouraging them the right way
When you make it so obvious to a child that they are not doing much and you always point out their weaknesses, it makes them lie. When you compare them with others who you feel are doing better than them and you do this constantly, you make them have low self-esteem. This develops into an attitude of wanting an extra in their lives to feel wanted and accepted by others.
As you have constantly reminded them about their weaknesses at home, it gets into them. They struggle to balance pleasing you and feeling adequate. So to avoid your constant backlash, they lie to you. A child that hides his report card and says it's missing because they have failed or a child that uses a pen to readjust his score is doing this to get appreciation or compliments.
They carry this attitude even outside the home. They become liars in society. They lie to their friends about possessing stuff that they don't possess. They do this to feel accepted. They also lie to you about a lot of things so that you will praise them or not talk down on them. And you started it all at home.
Learn to balance it when you want your child to do better. While you want them to improve in certain areas, try to check out areas where they are doing fine and appreciate them. Correct them but reward them as well when they do a good thing. No child is useless. Do not make a child look useless simply because they cannot do a particular thing.
5. You make empty promises or empty threats
Children see their parents as perfect and honest people until these parents start making promises without fulfilling them. Parents and other adults that interact with children also lose their respect when they make empty threats. Do not say things you do not mean or you can't do in front of children. It will make them disrespect you and it will teach them to be cunning and lie.
When you make a promise, try to fulfill it. If you can not fulfill it, explain it to the child. If you don't explain it and you do it constantly, the child will grow up making empty promises to others. Same thing with threats.
Make sure you mean your words before you say them, especially when you are dealing with children.
Please leave a comment. Thank you for reading through.
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